Reflections

“This is what the Lord says: “Don’t let the wise boast in their wisdom, or the powerful boast in their power, or the rich boast in their riches. But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the Lord who demonstrates unfailing love and who brings justice and righteousness to the earth, and that I delight in these things. I, the Lord , have spoken!”
Jeremiah 9:23‭-‬24 NLT

My last year at university seemed like an end to an awesome was an adventure but honestly, I was very broken inside. I had just found out I was anaemic again (a disease I thought I had healed from since the age of about 5).In my head, that year meant that I was “supposed” to find my dream graduate HR job in London and would have met my husband by then and would be getting married straight after finishing university. Afterall, this was the story of so many and God had to come through because I had prayed and told Him of my desires!lol🤷🏽‍♀️.

Shortly after completing my degree in June 2011,I still could not get a job despite starting applications the year before in October 2009. I was bitter with God. None of my prayers had been answered! I could not understand why, with all my qualifications, I still could not get a job!That job would be the thing which sustained me and brought the much needed validation and good standing with others. I also thought that if I had been eating right, I would not get sick especially with anaemia again! I also thought that since I had been for saved, treating people well meant that no one would backstab me or leave me or have ill intentions towards to me.

After realising that all this was just vanity and truthfully nothing I wanted came to pass, I moved back home and went into a deep depression. How could I tell anyone when I was often depicted as the “strong” one? Many nights I would cry myself to sleep questioning the mere existence of God. During this time, I used to help people out with their CVs and they would get jobs. One person even said to me at the time after securing a job, “Well you helped me and I got a job. Why can’t you write a CV to help yourself?You did study HR after all. You should know what they are looking for!” I had no answer because I could not understand the predicament I also found myself in! I often had this question, “If God is so real why would He let all these things happen to me? If I prayed and asked Him to come through in a situation, He would have right?” I really wanted to feel the presence of God but He felt so distant.

I eventually decided in my heart and made a resolution that I would stop going to church. Praying was clearly not working for me. So each Sunday I woke up with this strong resolve but I always found myself getting ready for church and sometimes even being the first one out of the door to get to church!What I did eventually notice was that as I continued to meditate on the word and seeking God to get some of these questions answered; His voice became louder in my spirit. I could hear Him talking to me and purifying my heart and motives. As a result, I was getting stronger and stronger in my faith with each day that passed.

My circumstances had not changed but my heart had changed.My perspective had changed.

I finished university in June 2011 but I did not get a job in my field until October 2012…which, at the time was a 15 minute walk from my house! I have not needed to take iron tablets to this day.

So why does God take us through some of these challenging seasons?Why does He allow certain things to happen to us? Truthfully, sometimes we might never know the reason why and other times; it may be, like in my case to prune us and perfect us in our faith. Sometimes to even show us that we are not in control and have it all ‘figured’ out!

We are where we are soley by God’s grace (Nyasha – which is the meaning of my name)…

God loves you and so do I ❤